Beauty and the BeastTransformers style
by redconvoy
Summary: Ultra Magnus had never cracked a smile in his life or laughed, well, one comes hand in hand with the other. When the sorcerer dares to make fun of Optimus Prime, Magnus becomes enraged and orders the Sorcerer's death. Little did he know that the sorcerer would be his undoing. Will Rodimus be able to break the spell by just putting up with the Beast of a King?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Stormypopsicle suggested this plot device on Tumblr. It was fun working this out. None of this is mine. Transformers belong to Hasbro, IDW, Takara, Steven Spielberg, etc. Beauty and the Beast belongs to Disney. Bakura and any other references to Yugioh belongs to Kazuki Takahashi, NAS, and TV Tokyo.

PROLOGUE

A long time ago, well, not that long ago, there was this King that could never crack a smile. He was too serious and no matter who came to his court, no one could make him successfully laugh much less crack a smile. Those who failed were sent to the gallows to be executed by Tarn just because…

Anyway, one day, this magical guy came to the door…a sorcerer of sorts. The sorcerer was Grimlock, yes, the smart one, not the dumb cartoon guy, the smart one from the comic. The dynobot sorcerer walked in and stood before the serious king.

"Your Lord, I am Grimlock from, um, well..." The Dinobot grabbed the script and began to read. "Can't I come from New Jersey or something like that? Where the hell is Yorkshire!"

"I don't think New Jersey is any better than Yorkshire. Yorkshire is in England." Magnus said bored out of his mind.

"I don't have a British accent! They should have cast Bakura for this part!" Grimlock threw the script down.

"Wrong series." Magnus pointed out. "And anyway, he stole the hubcaps off Sunstreaker last week."

"Oh bugger." Grimlock growled. "Okay, I am here to make you crack a smile at least."

"You know that if you fail, you'll be executed." Magnus said in his quiet monotonous voice.

"You know you'll have to catch me first, right?" Grimlock challenged.

"Okay then. Since you proposed a challenge, I'll let you try." Magnus said as Grimlock raised a brow.

"It doesn't take much to sway you, does it?" The dynobot asked.

"Not usually." The King leaned his chin on his left hand. "Go ahead. Try to make me laugh." He spun his right finger in the air.

"Okay…Gobots is better than Transformers." Grimlock started as Magnus snorted. "Star Scream is smarter than Megatron." Magnus began to quirk a smile. "Optimus's alt mode is the Good Humor Ice Cream truck!"

"BLASPHEMY! YOU JUST INSULTED ROBOT JESUS! GUARDS! " Magnus shouted as he stood up.

In self-defense, Grimlock transformed to his prehistoric form of a tyrannosaurus rex and then let out an Earth shattering roar that made the guards run the other direction in fear and the stained glass break. Transforming back, Grimlock made sure no one else challenged him before he faced the King again.

"Robot Jesus? Really. You're an idiot and because you're an idiot, I am going to give you a little gift…well, not that little, but it's something you can't return." Grimlock said as Magnus quirked a brow. "Since you caused the deaths of those who tried to make you try to crack on smile, not that I am not happy that some are dead, I AM going to give you something you may not like."

Grimlock unsubspaced his red sword and pointed it at Magnus. In turn, the King unsubspaced his sword and pointed it at the dynobot.

"Put that away. It ain't gonna work!" Grimlock ordered as the tip of his sword glowed and then shot a beam of light in the center of Ultra Magnus's chest hitting his spark. "I have cursed you…well I have cursed you behind your back in the past, but YOU ARE CURSED! You will forever be a beast because you're a jackass and the only way you're going to have it broken is if someone can actually put up with your big stupid ass! It doesn't have to be true love! It could just be someone who could tolerate you!"

"Fair enough." Magnus agreed.

"Oh shut up!" Grimlock said as he watched the King slowly turn into a robotic beast…well…he looked like a humanoid lion. "And Rodimus is supposed to free you? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! You're doomed!" Grimlock kept laughing as he walked to the door. "Oh and by the way, all your subjects and servants are dishes and crap! Don't break them now or it's on you!" The dynobot laughed as he walked out.

Ultra Magnus looked around as he noticed a lot of the Autobots were turned into silverware and plates. They looked up at him fearful of what was to come next.

"Okay! Which one of you is the toilet paper!" Magnus growled as they all scattered leaving dust in their wake. "HEY! COME BACK HERE! I ASKED A LEGITIMATE QUESTION!"

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Transformers are a trademark and copyright of Hasbro, IDW, Takara, and Spielberg. MetalChick36, Sentinel is officially the toilet paper XD. Thank you! This is for you. :D Yugioh is a copyright and trademark of Kazuki Takahashi, TV Toyko, Konami, Studio Gallop, and NAS.

Optimus is in this. Please do not tell me he's out of character. This is a parody. Everyone is out of character. That is the point.

ONE

"This is beyond ridiculous!" A voice said. "I'm going to be the beauty? I know I'm good looking! I know I could beat Springer in a Mister Universe Contest, but what the hell, man! I am not wearing a freakin' dress!" Rodimus protested as he burned the dress in effigy.

"What are you complaining about?! I was cast as the damn eccentric father who invents stuff! I can't even toast bread!" Kup growled.

"You invent stories from your many missions and exaggerate the end result!" Rodimus reminded him as he dumped the burning dress in the sink and then sat down on chair at the head of the large oak table.

"Shut up!" Kup barked at the young Autobot.

It was then that the two began to hear strange noises coming from outside. The two looked at each other in question and then as their eyes widened when they realized what it was.

"They're singing? What the hell is this! A Dizney production?!" Kup demanded.

"I quit." Rodimus stated.

Kup went to the door and opened it getting a full blast of the off key singing from outside. The ancient mech made his huge weapon appear, placed it over his shoulder, and then pointed it at the people in the square outside.

"THE NEXT ONE WHO BELTS OUT A NOTE, IS GOING TO BE PUMPED FULL OF LASER! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP! ALL OF YA!" Kup shouted as everyone became silent. "Idiots." He said as he slammed the door shut and subspaced his weapon.

Before Kup could even walk away from the door, a furious pounding was heard. Kup grit his teeth and tried to control his anger as he swung the door opened to reveal Springer and Bumblebee there.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….OUCH!" Bumble Bee started as Springer kicked him aside very far away. "BASTARD!"

"You're cramping my style!" Springer shot back as he turned toward Kup. "Is Roddy here?"

"Yes, he's here and what are you doing here?!" Kup demanded.

"Ad-libbing." Springer walked past the elder Autobot as he found Rodimus sitting in a chair near an oak table. "Hey Roddy! Check out my pecks!"

"Go show Arcee your pecks!" Rodimus shot back. "It's bad enough you play the chauvinistic asswipe in this. Do you have to really get into the part?"

"Well, I wanted to show Arcee my pecks and then she said that she couldn't because she was spending time with Side Swipe and then Sunstreaker and then both at the same time." Springer counted on his fingers as Kup and Rodimus's eyes widened knowing what Arcee was up to.

"Um, Springer…stop thinking because you're gonna get depressed if you finally figure out what she's trying to say." Rodimus pointed out.

"I'll figure it out later." Springer said as Kup face palmed. "You up for some poker tonight?"

"Yeah, sure. Get Drift and Prowl. We'll fleece Prowl after he gets over energized on high grade." Rodimus said as Kup glared at him. "WHAT!"

"You'll do no such thing!" Kup admonished.

"I'll cut you in!" Rodimus shot back.

"Deal!" Kup said.

(BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

For twenty years, Ultra Magnus could not find the toilet paper for the life of him. He had to get his servants to buy him more, but he hated the brand! If he found out who bought that brand, he was going to make them pay! It was worse than sandpaper!

Right now, he was "playing" with one of his servants. Cyclonus, his advisor, was shaped as a computer mouse. He silently crept through the corridors of the castle knowing that his King would be able to find him if he made a sound.

"Found you!" A voice said as a paw came down covering Cyclonus. "You know, these games are getting very boring." Magnus said as he picked up the computer mouse by its wired tail, bringing his advisor to eye level. "What do you suggest?"

"I suggest you take up a hobby like reading for example!" Cyclonus answered. "The one problem you have always had is that you have trouble thinking for yourself!"

"Be careful Cyclonus, because I might accidentally eat you!" Magnus ferally grinned.

"I hope I give you bad indigestion if you do!" Cyclonus shot back as Magnus put the computer mouse down.

"I still can't find that damn toilet paper!" Magnus growled as he walked away from his advisor.

"Is he gone?" Another voice asked as Cyclonus turned toward the now dusty roll of toilet paper that hopped out from its hiding place.

"Sentinel, you coward! Where have you been hiding all these years?" The computer mouse demanded.

"In very dark corners. Do you know what will happen if he gets a hold of me?" Sentinel asked.

"I have a pretty good idea that involves you going from kissing to wiping his ass!" Cyclonus mocked.

"You know, you're so funny, I forgot to laugh!" Sentinel groused.

"Guess who the advisor is and who isn't! I'll see you around! Have fun hiding for the rest of your life!" Cyclonus zoomed away. "If you don't disintegrate first!"

Sentinel carefully moved away from his hiding spot and then stuck his tongue out at the retreating form of Cyclonus. After he realized he was out in the opened, Sentinel moved back into the shadows to avoid his master and his inevitable fate if he was found.

(BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

"Why am I not in this? I am the main character and I am loved everywhere! I could be spending quality time with Rodimus…er…I mean…" Optimus stopped as Kup glared at him.

"Oh yeah? Over my dead body!" Kup said as he brandished his gun making Optimus raise his hands in surrender. "You are not going to make Rodimus your mid-life crisis! Anyway, what happened to Elita?"

"She dumped me and went off with someone who could give her more…" Optimus trailed off.

"So she went off with Ultra Magnus?" Kup asked.

"No." Optimus answered.

"Sentinel?"

"Hell no!"

"Chromia?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, old man!"

"Okay! Okay! Here's a farfetched one. Megatron?"

"You're really grasping for straws you know that?!"

"Prowl?"

"Definitely not!" Optimus stamped his foot.

"You know, I change my mind. Maybe you and Rodimus would be good for each other since you acted like him just now!" Kup pointed out. "So who is it?"

"Fortress Maximus!" Optimus boomed in anger.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Kup laughed as he fell over in his chair.

"What is so funny?!" Optimus demanded as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"That guy is nuttier than a fruitcake!" Kup said as he got off the floor and wiped the tears from his eyes. "She doesn't know what she's in for!" He said as he straightened out his chair.

"Well, she'll find out soon enough." Optimus said as he took out the script. "Do you have a pen?"

"Why?" Kup asked.

"I'm going to write myself in." Optimus said.

"Hey Kup, do you know where I put the…" Rodimus stopped as he noticed who was there. "What are you doing here? Didn't you retire?"

"I got bored." Optimus answered as he hid the script behind his back. "So I thought I would come back and visit my friend Rodimus." He said as Kup raised a brow and Rodimus just stared at him like he had another head. "What!"

"Uh, huh. Why are you really here?" Rodimus asked.

"I want to be in this! I'll be the body guard!" Optimus pleaded. "I'll be your best friend!"

"So, retirement wasn't what it was cracked up to be." Kup said. "Why do you think I never retired?"

"No it wasn't." Optimus said. "As I said, I got bored."

The door opened as Springer walked in with Drift and Prowl. Drift had the high grade as Prowl wondered why he was there. Springer brought in the deck of cards and a case of a poker chips.

"Well, you won't be bored anymore!" Rodimus grinned sinisterly as Prowl became nervous. "Don't worry Prowl! It's just a friendly game of poker."

"Every time I play, my wallet seems to go missing!" Prowl said.

"Really? We'll have to prevent that this time. Right guys?" Rodimus said as the others agreed.

"I don't know…" Prowl started as Optimus ushered him into a chair. "Why are you here?"

"I can cut loose once in a while! Bring out the hi-grade!" Optimus said as everyone sat down at the table and began to play.

(BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

Ryou Bakura came home from another day of interning at the hospital. Looking down at his soiled doctor's uniform, the white haired student swore that if another child threw up on him, he was going to quit and take up another major! Sometimes Ryou wished the damn parents of said brats would learn what an Urgent Care Center was for!

"Bakura! I'm home!" Ryou called out as he placed his bag down. "I hope you have at least take out!" He said as he flipped on the lights and noticed four hubcaps in the living room. "DAMN IT BAKURA! I THOUGHT YOU CHANGED! I guess some habits die hard." He trailed off.

TBC…


End file.
